loudon | ic spam

She doesn't have to make up for anything. I know how people see me, and it's not untrue.

I think she was really just talking about balloons being fun.

Yeah, and then Lenz chimed in about my lack of a backbone. I don't know why I'm here.

I'm not defending Lenz. I just didn't say anything to him because you don't need people to fight your battles for you.

Every time I talk to anyone, I just start shit, somehow. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Some people like a teasing back and forth, and they assume other people do too. You don't. Not everybody knows that, though.

It's different if you're actually friends with me, but most of these people don't have that kind of rapport.

This feels like those people who are "playfully" rude to people on the internet who they don't actually know.

How do you make that kind of rapport with someone? Not a general you, specifically You.

[...] I don't know.

~~I told Rory I would~~ I'm the problem.

Or, you've been hurt and now you're extra cautious.

[...] I mean, yeah? But am I wrong?

Some of the time, probably.

I honestly don't really know why I'm here.

IRIS is subtly brainwashing us into staying and it's in your nature to resist, so you're feeling out of place.

[...] Can't say I particularly love the idea of probably-dying for an indifferent government and a bunch of people who largely neither need nor want me here.

But I told Rory I'd give it 'til my birthday at least.

See, here's the thing, Sweetapple. Plenty of us want you here, you just aren't wired to let yourself believe it.

You'd all be better off without me being here, being annoying all the time.

Listen, it's your business, but do you ever talk to somebody about this stuff? Professionally.

[...] Not in awhile. Look, pretend I never said anything.

I can see the wheels spinning in your head about how you would just annoy them from here but Lou, they make so much money doing it. So much.

I'm gonna log off for awhile.

Okay. I didn't mean to press. [...] But the big sister in me is going to ask that you at least think about talking to somebody before you leave us. [...] And I'm going to try really, really hard to resist the big sister in me asking about it again.

I'm gonna feel even worse if I fail a psych eval and get taken off Explorer duty for being a gloomy Gus or whatever, so I'll figure it out.

They'll probably give you a psych eval at some point either way. [...] Listen, I won't tell you not to leave. I did it. I might again. But it didn't make me happy.

I just want to have a purpose.

Like, right now, I'm gonna go and purposefully touch grass.

DM 7/18

grndctrl - 2023-07-20 03:51 (UTC) - Expand